This blog is an uncensored look into my soul. I am writing this as part of my healing process, but am leaving it public so others can follow me through my journey.

If you'd like to start from the beginning, click on the beautiful, adorable picture of Hailey on the right hand column.

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

The "Feeling" Doctor

So, I did it!  I finally went to see a therapist to discuss my grief.  Lexi calls them "Feeling Doctors."  Anyways, in all honesty I feel like I'm actually doing fine in my grieving process, but I just wanted to make sure I was on track and not holding anything back that would come and attack me 5 years from now!  

I loved the therapist and according to her I'm doing a great job at grieving!  If that is possible.  I attribute that great job to two main things: 1) my faith and 2) all of you who have walked beside me in my journey and given me more love, support, and compassion than I could have ever imagined possible.  So, I have to publicly thank my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ for literally saving me and each and every one of you...thank you, thank you, thank you!

Lexi is still seeing her "feeling" doctor once a week as well.  It's quite obvious that she doesn't like to talk about her feelings because as soon as the topic of Hailey comes up she starts getting very restless and jumping all over the place.  She also often changes the subject or just says she doesn't know.  Today we had a little breakthrough though. She admitted that, "Hailey broke my heart when she left."  That was extremely difficult to hear, but also a relief that she is starting to open up.  It was also a relief to hear that she didn't think Hailey meant to break her heart and she's not mad at her.  

Sean is also considering seeing the same therapist I am, so I think our family is going to be increasingly on the mend.  We felt that it was better to go individually because we have remained very strong in our marriage and don't feel we really need a lot of help there.  But, Sean, being the wonderful, caring husband that he is, often tries to keep his feelings and worries to himself in order to protect me and not make me worry.  Therefore, I think it will be great for him to have someone who isn't emotionally involved in losing Hailey to talk too.  That way he can be open and honest without having to worry about upsetting me or another family member.  (By the way, nothing would upset me though!)

Anyways, that's the scoop here on the home front.  We also gave out another "Halo" last Sunday, so stay tuned and I'll update you on that too.  It was so cool!!!

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