This blog is an uncensored look into my soul. I am writing this as part of my healing process, but am leaving it public so others can follow me through my journey.

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Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Sign of the Dimes

Written: August 24, 2009

So I asked Hailey for a sign to know when she was nearby...something special that was just hers. I didn't want butterflies because I see them too often and would always wonder if they were from her or just a coincidence. I also didn't want pennies because we always felt that those were a sign from my grandma letting us know when she was there with us or thinking of us. On the Thursday after Hailey passed away I got out of the car on my street and saw what looked like a penny in the middle of the street. I walked over and picked it up to find that it was actually a rusty dime. (Weird...I didn't really know that dimes rusted, but now I do!) Anyways, I thought that maybe that could be our little sign. I went in the house, put the dime down in the kitchen and didn't think much more of it because of everything else going on.

That Sunday we went to a Catholic mass that was dedicated to Hailey. I had to use the restroom and to get there you have to go outside and walk all the way around the side of the church and into another door. It was quite a little walk, but don't forget it never rains here in Cali! The whole way to the bathroom I talked to Hailey telling her how much I missed her and how much I needed to know that she was here with me and that she was happy. I asked, actually, begged her to send me a dime as a sign that she was with me and heard me. I looked the entire way to the bathroom, in the grass, the bushes, the dirt, on the sidewalk, over the curb, etc. I looked and looked and looked and I begged and begged and begged, but found nothing. Honestly, I was really disappointed. I went into the bathroom, really bummed and discouraged and wondering what the heck was wrong with me thinking that Hailey is seriously listening to me and going to send me a dime.

As I walked out of the bathroom my eyes glanced diagonally to my left, and on the ground, way over in a corner, about 20 feet away was what looked like a penny. I walked over to pick it up and to my shock and excitement it was a DIME! It was stuck down in the pavement so I couldn't pick it up, but I COULDN'T believe it!!! (I'll include a picture when I upload it.) My little girl had heard me and come through for me. She was there and loved me!

Then I thought that I'd get a special piggy bank for all the dimes that I receive from my little angel. I looked everywhere for the original dime that I found the Thursday before in my street, but couldn't find it. I was really bummed about it. Well sure enough, the next day, Monday, I was upstairs sorting out about 10 piles of laundry in my hallway when I heard a weird clinking noise. I looked down and there it was, right in the middle of the carpet - the original dime! The first one I found that Thursday afternoon in the middle of the street!

The following day (Just go with me here...I know I'm jumping around a bit!), a week to the day of Hailey's passing was Lexi's birthday. We have Disneyland passes so all she wanted to do was go to Disneyland. Of course, all I wanted to do was NOT go to Disneyland. I know it's referred to as "The Happiest Place On Earth," but when your 3 year old daughter just suddenly passed away a week's not so happy. However, how could I rob my daughter of her birthday request because I was sad? I didn't want to punish her for my emotions, so I sucked it up and went! It was excruciatingly difficult for me. I had a really hard time keeping it together, so I kept asking Hailey to send me a dime. I told her I really wanted to know that she was with us and happy. All day I talked to her and literally begged her to send me a dime, as I forced excitement and smiles for my other precious daughter. When we were finally getting ready to leave we walked up to the Monorail platform. It's quite high and I was leaning over the rail thinking of the last time we were there and Hailey ran off thinking she was so funny. The monorail honked its horn because it was getting ready to pull away and Hailey literally jumped about 2 feet off the ground. I don't think I ever laughed so hard! Anyways, a little smile escaped my lips and I looked down at the Nemo ride below. All of a sudden I noticed something tiny and silver gleaming in the sunlight. It was soooo far away, that it only looked like the size of the little black dot in your eye (iris?). I took my camera, zoomed in as far as it would allow me, took a picture, and then zoomed in on the picture, but it was still too small to tell. So I begged my wonderful husband to go and ask one of the workers if they would check and see what it was. He obliged and walked all the way down the ramp and explained the situation to the lady (who probably thought we were literally off our rocker). She said no one walked over there, but agreed to go check for us anyways! She had to go through the line, jump over the submarine ride, onto another platform on the other side. And yes, sure was a dime! I was beyond thrilled!!!

These little miracles are real. Our loved ones are still very much alive and aware of us and they love us. I know my baby girl comes around us and comforts us when we need it. I am so grateful for a God who loves us so much that he's will to give us these little tender mercies.

My original dime!

The dime at Disneyland.
This is zoomed all the way in.
See if you can find it - You can click on the picture for a bigger view.
(hint: It's to the right of the yellow box.)

The little thing I painted to put Hailey's dimes in.
(I wrote "sents" because they aren't pennies "cents," but they are "sent" from Heaven!)


  1. see, i totally believe that you are getting the dimes from her. ever since that day at wild rivers, i look and look. no one ever drops dimes! and yet YOU always find them. that nemo dime is unbelievable. i love this post!!

  2. What a beautiful sign from her to you. It must give you a great feeling of her still being around your family.

  3. This is so special ... I love it!

  4. So so so so special!! I find myself thinking about you and your family often. It makes me sad that we didnt get back in contact until now!! I thank Sondra for guiding me back to you!! Now when I see a dime, I will thnk of your sweet little girl..... wow... tears are just streaming here!

  5. A beautiful story! I find dimes when at my lowest moments. I am sure they are sent to me from God as a sign that he is there for me. I have always been curious as to why dimes?

  6. Hi Wendy,

    I just wanted to let you know about a little something I did with Weston today. When we go to the doctor's office, he always wants to throw 'moneys' into the little pond/fountain thing they have in the lobby. It's in the old Trexlertown Mall close to where Sean grew up ... it's now a medical center, but they kept the 'main' mall part open.

    Anyway, I told him we could throw money in after his appointment. So as we were walking out, I fished in my pocket for a coin to toss in and pulled out a DIME. Right away I thought of Hailey. I told Weston that Hailey is a sweet little angel who's probably giggling right now and that we should throw the dime in the water and make a wish that Hailey's mommy can find a new dime all the way over there in California. He tossed it in and said "For Hailey's Mommy".

    So, I hope you can find a new dime soon. :) I know Hailey has one for you.

    Jenae (and Weston)