This blog is an uncensored look into my soul. I am writing this as part of my healing process, but am leaving it public so others can follow me through my journey.

If you'd like to start from the beginning, click on the beautiful, adorable picture of Hailey on the right hand column.

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Friday, December 3, 2010

Hailey's Christmas Dress

Last night I went shopping with some of my girlfriends for our monthly "Girl's Night."  As we were browsing through the store I found the most adorable Christmas dress for Ava.  I debated buying it and then decided against it because I hate spending money on clothes that I know will only get worn once or twice, and realistically this dress was one of them.  So I put it back and continue browsing.  

Next thing I know I come across the same exact dress in Lexi's size.  This is rare because Lexi is seven and Ava is two so the style of clothes between those two ages aren't usually the same.  So then I started re-debating buying the dresses because Lexi, even at seven, loves to match Ava.  She's always trying to get me to dress Ava in the same or similar outfit as she's wearing that day.   Anyways, I considered it more (I know...a lot of thought over a dress!) and then thought of Hailey.

The Valentine's Day before Hailey died I looked EVERYWHERE for three matching dresses to get the girls' pictures in, but couldn't find anything.  Eventually I settled on three similar dresses and called it a day.  So I kind of felt that finding three adorable Christmas dresses in the exact sizes I needed for the three girls was almost like a sick joke.  I'll be honest, it hurt.  I didn't expect it to hurt so bad or affect me in such a harsh way, but it did.  I couldn't imagine only buying two of the dresses without one for Hailey, but on the other hand, why would I buy the one for Hailey since she's not here to wear it? I debated if it was crazy to even consider it.  Was I being ridiculous or in major denial?  Was it creepy?  Why did I even have to think about dumb stuff like this?  How unfair.

One of my favorite things in the world was taking pictures of my girls all together, so every time I take a picture of Lexi and Ava it stabs my heart...especially if they were matching.  I know it's something I'm going to have to figure out and accept because I have a lifetime of pictures without Hailey and I can't not take pictures of my other kids because she's not in them.  Anyways, it's just one of those stupid issues that come with losing a child that I'm just going to have to deal with...for the rest of my life.  :(

So, back to the dresses...I ended up buying all three.  I just couldn't bear to only buy two when I have three beautiful girls.  Now came the next debate...What do I do with Hailey's dress?  I was trying to think of a way I could incorporate it into the picture without it seeming too weird, but couldn't come up with anything.  

As I was discussing my ideas and options with my friends, one of them said, "Why don't you find a family in need who can't afford to buy their little girl a special Christmas dress?  Then you could donate it to them in Hailey's honor?"   Ding, Ding, Ding...Jackpot.  I loved the idea!!  This way a wonderful little girl can look "beau'ful, as Hailey would say, and as Hailey is, for Christmas!

So all that being said, or typed, I have no idea how or where to find this little girl.  I asked Hailey to help me and now I'm asking all of you for your help.  If you know of a deserving little girl, who's family cannot afford to buy her a "beau'ful" Christmas dress, please email me at the address on the top of my blog.  If I receive more than one request, I'll put the names in a hat and draw one.  I'm totally willing to send it wherever it needs to go, so it doesn't matter where you live.  The only thing I'm hoping is that the family would be willing to send me a picture of the little girl wearing it, so I can see her smile and think of Hailey, but that's not a requirement!

Wow...such a big fuss over buying a Christmas dress, huh?  But I'm hoping all the fuss will result in a special little girl looking "beau'ful" and having a special Christmas in honor of my little Hailey!

Here's the famous dress.  (It's a size 4)

P.S. I decided to dress Lexi and Ava in their dresses and take their picture at Hailey's Place so she can still be a part of it!


  1. i love the idea! the dress is SO beau'ful!!!!

  2. I love the dress. Such a beautiful idea...

  3. Wendy,
    It's a beau'ful idea! There is no question I would have done the same thing. However, as a mom who has also lost a child I want to say that if you want to keep the dress, you should. It's ok. It's not morbid or strange or any such thing. I go through a similar thing sometimes. Most often I don't indulge myself, but every now and then I do pick something up I know Kiran would have loved. It makes me happy. If you get a chance to post the pic of Lexi and Ava, would love to see it.
    Happy Holidays!

  4. Before you give the dress away you should go back to Hailey's place and drape the dress over a corner of her headstone, then have your two girls wearing their dresses sitting near the headstone, with Lexi holding a framed picture of Hailey. Just a thought ;-)