This blog is an uncensored look into my soul. I am writing this as part of my healing process, but am leaving it public so others can follow me through my journey.

If you'd like to start from the beginning, click on the beautiful, adorable picture of Hailey on the right hand column.

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Saturday, September 11, 2010

Where, Oh Where, Has My Little Hailey Been?

Gosh, I can't even tell you the last time Hailey has sent me a dime.  I have to admit that I was always a little apprehensive about relying too much on finding them, but I just couldn't help it.  I'll grab onto anything that will make me feel closer to Hailey.

Anyways, I just figured she hasn't sent me any recently because I've been doing pretty good.  It's so weird how in the first few months I found so many dimes in so many "random" places at so many perfect times.  But lately, not a one.  I'll admit, it hurts.  It makes me sad.  It makes me wonder...were those really signs from Hailey or was I just stretching for anything?  I mean some of them were seriously so undeniable and almost miraculous (if you could say that about finding a dime!).  I know they were from her, without a shadow of a doubt, but why none now?

A few days ago my friend and I took our kids on the train to a really cute petting zoo in San Juan Capistrano.  The last time I was there, Hailey was too, and we all had a blast!  I have some adorable pictures (I'll post some at the end!).  Anyways, I talked to her and told her I really wanted to know she was there with us that day and begged her to send me a dime.  So, of course, I thought for sure I'd find that special dime somewhere along the way!  I was actually excited about it!  I couldn't wait to feel close to her again, like she was right there!  But, I looked and looked and begged and begged and found nothing.  I can't really say I was angry, but I was definitely very disappointed.  There were so many opportune places that day to find a lone, special dime, but nope, nothing.  

Then, on Lexi's first day of school I hoped for the same, a little sign that she was there with her sister...but again, nothing.  I mean, am I being ridiculous?  Was I relying on something totally untrue or far fetched?  Has she forgotten about us already?  Or, could there be a recession in Heaven too?

Who knows, but honestly, I am really bummed and kind of feel forgotten about.  I mean, deep down inside I know she'll never forget us and will always be around; I guess I just want it to be on my terms.

I just really miss her.  :(

Zoomar's Petting Zoo
March 5, 2008

Hailey LOVED animals!
(I kind of picture her like this in Heaven, with all the animals around her, maybe even a lion or two thrown into the mix!)

Where there was food to be eaten, it didn't matter who's it was!

Letting her crawl on the ground with the goats just about killed me!

She just loved to take it one step too far and torture me!

She got quite the bath after this event!


  1. Wendy,

    Your need for tidy kids makes me think that is why you have 3 girls! My boys brought home more dirt sometimes than I could see out the window. I always wondered where they found it. I love the second picture of Hailey. Precious!

  2. This made my day Wen!!!! Hailey truly LIVED a great life. Not many moms would let their child PLAY and roll around with a billy goat!! haha!! LOVE IT!!