This blog is an uncensored look into my soul. I am writing this as part of my healing process, but am leaving it public so others can follow me through my journey.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Feeling Better

Gosh, I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to write again!  The last time I wrote I wasn’t doing so well, but I am so happy to say that I’m feeling much, much better!  I can tell you that if I don’t write for a while, it’s usually safe to assume it’s because I’m doing great and enjoying those times of peace and happiness.  Writing my blog is a very emotional, thought provoking thing for me, so sometimes when I’m feeling good I just want a break from the emotion and thought which is why I don’t write as often.  This has been a great outlet for me during my troubled times, so I usually tend to write more when I’m struggling and either need to get it all out or I just need some extra love and support (which I can always count on from my readers!).

 I am also so honored that so many of you have emailed me or written to me asking about how I’m doing.  Knowing that I have so many people out there who think about me and care so much is beyond a blessing to me.  Therefore, when I write about my bad days, I’ll make it a point to let you all know when I’m also feeling much better too, so I don’t leave you all wondering what the heck is going on!

I’ve been going to grief therapy weekly, which has worked miracles for me.  My therapist is literally one of the most amazing women I have ever met.  She has taught me a lot about the power of thought and what a powerful effect it has on one’s life (both good and bad).  I’ve really learned how to change my way of thinking and also calm myself down when I’m feeling so angry or overwhelmed.  This has had a ripple effect in my home, as well.  My girls are so much happier and calmer, which also makes me (and my husband) feel the same!  We’ve come back to enjoying one another and really feeling grateful for life.

Speaking of feeling grateful for life, I’ve been really focusing on gratitude and what I’m truly grateful for.  Wow, what a difference that has made!!!  I highly recommend everyone try it out. Although I’ve had a terrible thing happen to me in losing Hailey, I still have so, so much to be grateful for.  I’ve come to realize that I’m not the only person in the world struggling with trials and there is no point in comparing my trial to anyone else’s.  That’s just a recipe for self-pity and anger.  We all have trials, some are just more visible to the outside world than others.

The power of prayer is also undeniable.  Seriously, I don’t know if I would have made it over the past couple months without my daily chats with my Heavenly Father.  I’ve come to really understand how He is just that…my Father who lives in Heaven.  When I think of my own father here on Earth and how much I know he loves me and supports me, I come to realize the same about my Father in Heaven.  He is not just “God,” He is literally my father.  He created me and knows me better than I know myself.  Through prayer…and I mean honest prayer, really pouring my heart and soul out…I have come to develop a better relationship with Him and understand how He loves and supports me just like my father here on Earth…and even so much more (no offense Dad!).  That relationship and understanding has done wonders for my well-being.  Trying to see life in the eternal perspective, the big overall picture, and not just looking at these few small moments here on Earth has changed my outlook and attitude so much.

I still have so much more I want to write and share about these past couple months.  The things I’ve experienced and learned are wonderful.  And, realistically, I know that this isn’t the end of my journey through grief, anger, depression, etc.  I know one day it will come back around to bite me in the buns again, but now I’m better prepared to handle it and I also know that it won’t last forever.

I love my little Hailey so much and I miss her more and more every single day.  I know that will never go away, but I owe it to her to be happy and enjoy my life and the blessings that I still have. 

I’ve been quite busy, but I’ll be back again soon to continue filling you all in on all the wonderful things that have happened over the past couple months to help me heal, restore my faith, and bring some joy back into my life.

Thank you again to all of you who have wholeheartedly supported and loved me just the way I am, without any judgment.  I have learned a lot about the importance of not making assumptions or judgments of others…we just never know the real facts.

My new favorite quote is: “There is no one you couldn’t love if you knew their whole story.”  I’m not sure who wrote it, but I find it so profound.  I feel that those of you who have read my blog from the start know most of my story over the past 2 years and therefore I have felt that unconditional love and support.  But remember that there are many out there who are not an open book like myself, who carry unknown or silent pain and struggles, whose stories we really know nothing about…


  1. Wonderful update. MOM

  2. Including the story of the ones who smile...

  3. I'm sooo glad you are feeling better :)